Heart-to-Heart with ADA DIKE

I am no longer comfortable with him

Advisor Ada Dike

Dear Ada,

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past five years and he is not making any move to marry me. I am shy to ask him to take me to the altar so that people will not say that I am desperate. He is a banker while I am an air hostess. The problem is not the money we will spend during wedding but it is as if he does not want to settle down yet.

He is 42 years old while I am 35 years. I have not seen another man I would have since left him because I am no longer comfortable with him.

Christie,

Hello Christie,

One comedian said an engagement ring in a lady’s finger after six years without marriage can be called a ‘key-holder’. Remove his ring from your finger and tell him you are tired of answering his girlfriend.

If you've found that the men you date always seem to be "commitment-phobes", then it's time to start considering that you also might be doing
something that triggers the common male response - to run.
The truth is, most men want relationships but they're terrified of committing to the wrong woman who they feel is going to make
life harder for them. When most women end up talking about or wanting
a commitment before a man does, it almost always creates negative conflict and unnecessary heartache.
Don't let this happen to you, when you could avoid the trap of having your man withdraw from you. So don’t leave him because this is the period when lots of women accidentally kill the attraction and interest that was building, and turn a man off from a more committed relationship.

 

(Model has nothing to do with any of stories)

My girlfriend is a thief

Dear Ada,

 I have been dating my girlfriend for some months. What baffles me is that she steals money from my wallets without telling me and each time I talk about my missing money, she would pretend as if she did not know anything about it. This is not the first time she did it so I don’t know what to do.

Greg

Hello Greg,

The earlier you let her know that you are aware that she has been pilfering your money the better. That is a habit that requires serious action.

But you have to be sure that you are not accusing her wrongly. So if you are you know that she is the person that has stealing your money, confront her and warn her not to do it again.

Let her go if she can’t stand it. It is a shameful act for somebody, especially, a lady you want to marry to steal your money. If she is broke, let her tell you to give her some money instead of taking it behind you.

He no longer behaves like he loves me

Dear Ada,

I met my boyfriend a year ago on my way from office. I have been happy since then, hoping that our relationship will lead to marriage.

Recently, I called him and he told me that he would see me soon in my apartment.

To my utmost surprise, he no longer behaves like he loves me. I have called him on several occasions, trying to know what is bothering him, he told me that if I see any other man who is ready to settle down with me, that I should not wait for him.

Please I need your advice

Kiki

Hello Kiki,

If you know that you did not offend him and you have tried your best to know why he suddenly changed, don’t feel bad about it because it could be a sign that he is not meant to be your husband.

I know many ladies who were disappointed by their fiancés and they later married men far better than the men who jilted them. Commit it to God in prayer and wait for Him to do His will.

She denied me sex

Dear Ada,

I am dating a lady but she does not want to have sex with me.

What shall I do?

Sunday

Hello Sunday,

She did well by not allowing you to have her. My advice for you is that you should marry her and see if she will deny you sex.

How do I break up my relationship?

Dear Ada,

I am dating a guy, who is caring but has chains of girlfriends so I want to break up with him. How do I go about it? Please help me because our relationship has caused a lot of sorrow.

Bolanle

Hello Bolanle,

Have you talked to him and he refused t change? If you insist on breaking up with him, there are several ways to do it.

You can break up with him by phone, e-mail, text messaging, or through an instant messenger system. It is easier to break up with someone if you don't have to look the person in the eye, but you may lose the respect of your mutual friends if you take the easy way out.

In some cases, phone break-ups can be helpful for the person being dumped because it allows them more separation from the situation from talking in person, and also allows them to cry immediately after getting off the phone instead of waiting for you to leave, trying to get home, trying not to embarrass themselves in public, and so on. If you do a phone break-up, just make sure you are doing it to be considerate, not just for your own convenience.

If you handle yourself well during the break-up, chances are you'll avoid any hard feelings with your ex. And while that may not seem so important at the time, it's vital to your future relationship.

The term "break-up" implies a hard stop. But, often, a break-up is really a change in the nature of a relationship, where friendship remains, but a closer physical connection and a desire to build a life together are taken away. Try to look at breaking up in a more positive way, and see how it can transform your relationship.

Think about why you want to break up with him.

Quote

We have to recognise that there cannot be relationships unless there is commitment, unless there is loyalty, unless there is love, patience, persistence.
-Cornel West

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. ~ Mother Teresa

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. ~ Brendan Francis

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld