Heart-to-Heart With ADA DIKE

Advisor Ada Dike

My husband monitors my movement

Dear Caring Heart,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have been married for the past three years and we are blessed with a two-year-old boy. My husband is caring and nice but my problem is that he monitors my movement. He has gone to the extent of hiring a driver to take me to wherever I go. I don’t know what gave him the impression that I might cheat on him. I am so worried about it and I am scared of his suspicion.

If your husband does not love you, he will not monitor you so don’t be worried about his attitude. Some men feel that “If women are given a mile, they would go an extra mile.” So it is natural for him to protect his wife. The days are evil. Some men are good at sleeping with their friends’ wives. They lure them with enticing gifts, knowing well that women are vulnerable and can easily be deceived.

For instance, a businessman who lives in Lagos travelled and left his wife at home. His wife not only messed around but took in for another man. He almost committed suicide but had marry another wife.

 Some men monitor their wives to the extent of confining them at home.

Give him the benefit of doubt and prove to him that you are a faithful wife that would not mess around. By so doing, he would minimize the way he monitors you.

 

My wife keeps malice with my mother

I have been keeping quiet as if I don’t know what to do till this moment. I decided to seek for advice from you on what to do to avoid making mistakes.

I am the only son of my mother who has been living with me since 2004 after my father died. She is about 68 years old.

I told my wife how I loved my mother and we decided to bring her from the village to live with us. My wife complains over every little thing my mother does or says.

There was a time she stopped cooking in my house just because my mother advised her not to put a lot of salt in a pot of soup. I am torn between who to associate with. Sometimes, if I caution my wife she would tell me that I hate her. While my mum keeps saying that my wife had given me love potion to eat, hence my unflinching love for her. Please what should I do?

Osondu

Dear Osondu,

With what you wrote above, you must be passing through a trying moment. It is a common phenomenon to see mother in-laws having misunderstanding with her daughter in-laws over minor issues.

Keeping your mother in old people’s home is not advisable because she won’t like it. The only alternative is for you to keep your mother in a well-furnished apartment with a nurse and maid to take of her, if you are financially buoyant.

Your mother and your wife are the most important women in your life so be objective in handling their misunderstandings so as to avoid having heart attack over their affairs. Call two of them on a round table and settle their differences.

As for your mother she might feel that whatever she does is right, especially, when she remembers how she carried you in her womb for nine months. That is what mothers always say. Your wife, on the other hand would feel that your mother is disturbing her in her matrimonial home. Tell them how important two of them are to you and reconcile them.

He insists we bear one more child

I got married nine years ago at the age of 37 and we are blessed with four children- a boy and three girls. My problem is that my husband wants one more son and insists that I bear one more child.

I don’t like the idea because I am afraid that something may happen to me.

Jarret

It is only a living person that can conceive, deliver and train her children. Today’s society does not ask you the number of children you have but how well educated and prosperous your family members are.

If you are having the premonition that something dangerous may happen to you if you conceive, tell him your mind and go for family planning. Life is precious please don’t jeopardize your life to please your husband.

 

Food for thought

I slept and dreamed that life was JOY.
I awoke and saw that life was SERVICE.
I acted and behold SERVICE was JOY.
-Rabindranath Tagore

Love Quotes
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge. ~ Thomas Carlyle

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love. ~ Mother Teresa

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. ~ Brendan Francis

Absence diminishes mediocre passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans fires. ~ Francois de La Rochefoucauld